ticktocksheep:

“That’ll be $11.28,” he drawls, throwing his pretty customer a smile that makes her giggle as she hands over the payment of her soy latte. You don’t miss the few extra moments she uses to linger, and as she passes your table, you wonder just how long it will take for her to slip her number over the counter. He’s there nearly every time you come in, taking orders and mixing drinks and never, ever missing an opportunity to flirt with every female that enters the establishment. It’s the very reason you always wait till he’s preoccupied to let another employee handle your requests.

This place has become something of a favourite haunt to you. The ever-present smell of coffee beans and idle chatter of patrons makes for the ideal setting where you can find the right mindframe to work. It’s a small coffee shop, independently owned by a young couple you had the pleasure of meeting your first visit, called Bee-Witched, which still baffles you. Still, it was an odd name suited to its odd owners, odd customers, and odd employees

When you have the time, you’ll spend it here with your laptop, powering through the revising (and revising, and revising) phases of your novel. It’s not fun work, as your agent is always assuring you, but most of the book comes out through revision. Still, at the moment, it only feels as if revision is taking away from the book, seeing as you’ve had to cut nearly two-hundred pages of your prose in an effort to thin out the content. It makes you less than happy to have to do this, since perfection on the first try is what you strive for, but it’s the game you’ll have to learn to play if you ever want to be a published author. With a sigh, you resolve to write the current chapter staring you in the face afresh, brevity be damned.

After some time of frustratedly typing only to reject what you’d just written and delete it, you’re still no closer to filling the blank page. Soon, you are pulled from your work (or rather, your lack of work) by the sound of a voice. “God damn. That’s so purple I’m gonna be smelling lavender for a week.” You whirl around and collide immediately with someone’s forehead. There’s a grunt of pain and a shuffle backwards as Mr. Hotshot From Behind the Counter holds a hand to his face, giving the spot where your skull met his a rub. “God damn,” he repeats, and you get the feeling that if he hadn’t been wearing those sunglasses (indoors, might you add) he would have given you a look that scorched. “One hell of a way to make an entrance. Can’t a guy sneak a peek at some wizard slashfics without getting decked in the face? How will I ever know what happens to Lord Voldemort’s fae-stolen third cousin once removed? It’s fuckin’ criminal. You gotta tell me what happens next or watch all my kinky fantasies wither away to nothing.”

You stare at him, shifting your gaze from his face to the counter where he stood previously. “Just how did you get over here so fast? I only saw you a minute ago taking an order,” you demand. He grins, seeming bemused, and pushes his aviators up by the bridge.

“Well, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.” He leans in, conspiritorial. “When I was just a little pukemonster, my Bro trained me in the ancient arts of being totally rad, which includes being faster than a Jew chasing a dollar bill fluttering across the breeze. It’s like being a ninja, only cooler.” You’re having a hard time recognising whether or not he’s serious, but he continues before you can come to a decision. “You might want to invest in a watch or something, ‘cause you’ve been at your smutty endeavours for the last twenty minutes. It doesn’t take being as fast as the Flash on crystal meth to mosey over and see just what you’ve been doing to twist the poor, poor Harry Potter franchise into your Eldritch bloodvisions foretelling doom and many-tentacled destruction for all. Have to admit, I’m curious to see what you’ll settle on. Personally, I liked the version where Zazzerpan was using his ancient book of evil spells and bullfuckery as a seat for the little midget dude that kept screaming obscenities in Swahili. Or wait, no, that didn’t happen, but it should. Get a fucking pen, we’re writing this shit down. Make a masterpiece up in here, earn millions, be swimmin’ in the boonbucks, you and me. Dave Strider, by the way.” His introduction is tacked on seamlessly to the rest of his rambling, which is delivered with hardly a pause for breath. Obviously, he’s more than used to talking, talking fast, and talking while not letting anybody else get a word in edgewise.

“Rose Lalonde,” you reply, shutting your laptop with a pointed look toward him, eliciting another grin, “And I might have worked that last bit out on my own, considering your name tag. Is this your idea of a pickup line? Because if so, I must say, you get points for creativity, but it isn’t happening.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. I’m a saint over here. No pick-up lines for this stand-up young gentledude, no way, no how. I’m-” A pause. “Wait, you mean the wizard slash isn’t happening, or me potentially asking you out isn’t happening? ‘Cause, I could deal with the first, but it’d be more than a shame for me to strike out, ‘specially since you’re such an admirer and all.” As you start on an incredulous reply, he cuts you off with a wave of his hand. “No no, there’s no need to deny it, little Rosita, I already know. You’re here almost every time I’m working, and those stares, ooh, I’m getting shivers. It’s clear you got it bad, girl, but hey, that’s why I’m here. Figured I’d give the pretty little lady her chance.”

God damn. Now that was certainly an assumption plucked from thin air. You’re torn between horror and amusement, but this brings to mind a new course of action. You rise from your chair, taking a step toward him, and just barely reach his chin. “Well, I suppose the hypothetical cat is out of the bag and fleeing across the border in order to start its new life in Mexico as a fruit vendor,” you sigh, resigned, and lay a hand on his shoulder with a brief smile. This close, you can just barely see eyes widen from behind the shades, but he makes no protests until you gently trail a black-painted fingernail along his throat and the underside of his chin.

He swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing. “I- uh, sure, but we- we’re in public, y’know, people staring and shit.”

You let out a small chuckle and say, at nearly a whisper, “Then let them stare.” You lean up close and tug his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, catching a glimpse of eyes that were a bright red, hardly seeming real. “Dave?”

“Yeah,” he responds faintly, blinking like you’d shined a bright light on his face.

Your smile fades just as you say, “Better luck next time,” and draw your head back before slamming it into his own. He stumbles, swears, and leans against the table behind him for support. You make to abscond as quickly as possible, gathering up your laptop and fleeing the scene with your coffee untouched.

Just before you’re out the door, you hear a familiar lisping voice call out, “Strider, if you’re done with your mating ritual, we need you behind the counter. Break’s over!”

dersecest baby ΦωΦ

langlock:

Both because otp ye 

  • favorite non-sexual activity: Music, dancing, both actually thrive with creativity. Dave still has a fondness for creating the sickest beats and Rose never stopped with the violin, and if you’ve listened to Derse Dreamers you see how great they sound together. Dancing is another thing they really like doing. It’s an excuse for Rose to wind down a little and for them to be close. Dave actually prefers the slow dancing, but Rose would enjoy mixing it up, trying new things, and definitely making Dave uncomfortable. (See: dirty dancing in the house you grind on that boy rose)
  • who uses all the hot water: It really depends. Lots of times Dave spends more time thank he thinks he does in the shower, goofing off, pretending to be a rock star, styling his hair in stupid ways. Rose knows this and usually lets him. But she likes to take long showers herself to think and be alone, so if he doesn’t hurry up she tends to strip down and join him herself. This usually derails him nicely. Except for that one time she just kicked him out. 
  • most trivial thing they fight over: Food shopping, where things belong. Rose is very adamant on not placing swords in the refrigerator and insists that whole-wheat bread is better for you. Dave thinks the fridge is a perfectly fine place to store his weaponry, why else would it have so many compartments, and fuck your whole-wheat bread he’s sticking with white bread. Rose bought an incredibly ostentatious display rack for Dave’s katanas and hung it right above the fridge – just out of reach for Dave – and stocked the entire kitchen with white bread in a fit of passive aggressive anger. No one knows how she got the swords so high up, nor does anyone know where she got so much bread or what she did with the food that was previously in its place. After that Dave compromised and buys both kinds of bread. He kept the display rack, though. 
  • who does most of the cleaning: Both, actually. Though Rose would be happy with letting things clutter up as long as she can find her stuff, she’s a very proud host. Her house has to be pristine and perfect for any and all guests – though usually it’s just John and Jade dropping by – and she’ll save the clutter for her work room. Dave simply doesn’t mind the cleaning. It gives him time to listen to his music and think and put his swords exactly where he wants them. 
  • what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue: Rose is the unchallenged master of the television. Dave would happy to watch a shitty comedy every night, but he’s often amazed at the obscure films Rose picks out that are actually really good. Rose does have a fondness for shows like The Office and Arrested Development, and Dave appreciates the humor. Though he was incredibly anguished at the end of three seasons and has made it a goal to get someone to start that up again. 
  • who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: Rose does. Dave would try to fix it himself otherwise in a fit of manly pride. The one time Rose let Dave attempt to fix the heat his arm got stuck in a pipe and he had begun shrieking when a large spider appeared and he had no means of escape. Rose took a picture and put it in an ironically large couple’s scrapbook labeled “Fond Memories.“ 
  • who steals the blankets: Dave is used to heat, so upon coming up North he takes all of the blankets. Rose usually just curls up next to him and by the next morning Dave is somehow wrapped around Rose with most of the blankets on her side. 
  • who leaves their stuff around: Rose leaves more stuff around than Dave, though he makes his fair share of messes. Dave thinks it’s a lot of fun to flash step in behind Rose and move her stuff around the house. 
  • who remembers to buy the milk: Rose remembers, then proceeds to send Dave out to do it. Rose downright refuses to go to the deli down the street for it after Dave got into an argument with a six year old over the last bottle of AJ. The shame is too great, the walk is too far. It’s up to you, Strider. 
  • who remembers anniversaries: Both remember anniversaries, though they show it in different ways. Dave likes to go all out the week leading up to it and on the day of. Singing telegrams, obnoxiously large red and purple balloons, shout-outs on her favorite radio station, beautiful gifts, the works. Rose, on the other hand, likes to take a subtler approach with things only Dave would know the significance of. She’ll suck it up and buy him his aj from that deli down the street, compose a song because she knows he loves hearing her play, pull a few strings herself and get that radio station to play his favorite songs all day, occasionally she’ll throw in some obnoxious knitted couple sweaters, though her present-buying skills are topped by none, and of course the sexual favors thrown in. 
  • who cooks normally?: Both. It’s a couple activity that they’ll indulge in. Rose cooks wonderfully, Dave is mediocre, both have a great time coming up with something in the kitchen. At least once a month Dave will try to cook something for Rose, and it will be truly awful. She smiles and eats it all anyway before insisting on making dessert herself. 
  • how often do they fight?: Not very often at all, though the banter is almost always there. When they do fight it’s usually an escalation of something stupid and feelings are usually hurt. Cutting remarks are exchanged and then Rose shuts down with the silent treatment or a very icy demeanor. Dave has to chase her down and coax the angry thoughts out of her, resulting in a second, smaller fight, but after that things are fine again and they don’t mention it. 
  • what do they do when they’re away from each other?: They talk online, seeing as none of them truly grow out of pesterchum. Rose will knit and read and write and watch shitty movies that Dave would never let her hear the end of if he knew. She talks to Jade and Kanaya and hangs out with friends. Dave spends time rapping or taking pictures. He plays video games with John and annoys the shit out of Karkat. He bought Rose a phone as soon as they started dating, seeing as she was never going to buy one herself, and he likes to text her stupid things throughout the day. 
  • nicknames for each other?: When Rose wants to embarrass him she’ll pull out the ridiculous, stupid pet names that make everyone cringe. But usually it’s Dave using simple ones like "babe, baby” and the occasional “dear.”
  • who is more likely to pay for dinner?: Dave. They both make more than enough money, but he insists on paying. He’s actually a gentleman on dates with Rose. Holding doors, pulling out chairs, compliments, he’s a really great boyfriend. 
  • who steals the covers at night?: ((I’m p sure this was answered ye))
  • what would they get each other for gifts?: Each throw plenty of money into obnoxious, ironic gifts that each use with pride. Rose knits Dave a sweater with a big puppet on it, Dave buys Rose gold knitting needles. When the serious gift giving occurs, both of them know exactly what to buy. Rose has a taste for simple-yet-refined things. Dave likes style and flare. A silver bracelet with plura meis propria vita engraved on it and a lovely new suit and intricately decorated katana do nicely. 
  • who kissed who first?: Dave kissed Rose first. He was tired of overthinking obvious signs and couldn’t take the ongoing looks from Dirk so he just stopped her mid-conversation with Roxy and kissed her. 
  • who made the first move?: Technically Dave. Rose was dropping hints for a long time and was thoroughly enjoying his confusion when he manned up and kissed her. He proceeded to tell her that he’s crazy about her and wants her to know and that he’s hoping she feels the same. She simply told him that it took him long enough to figure it out. 
  • who remembers things?: They both remember things. Rose is better at remembering the details and makes sure to remind Dave because they both know it’d be a passive-aggressive disaster if he forgot something about them that she deemed important. 
  • who started the relationship?: Rose was the one to ask Dave if he was initiating a relationship with her. He was very red in the face and was stammering like crazy so he nodded. Both, maybe?
  • who cusses more?: They both curse pretty often. Rose’s are just more elaborate. 
  • what would they do if the other one was hurt?: Rose would drop the placidness and get pretty pissed. She’d move about calmly to help Dave in any way she could but if he isn’t getting help fast enough she will give you the worst verbal beatdown you’ve ever experienced. She will yell, you will cry and be thoroughly terrified, no one will sleep well that night. Dave will rush about in a panic and demand that someone get shit done. He’ll be incredibly supportive for Rose throughout the entire time but depending on the severity would possibly cry.